What Does VDay Mean To You?

In true hopeless romantic fashion, I loudly declare February 14th is the bad luck day for me. BF and I broke up the Friday before so naturally I spent Valentines Day alone. I wont discuss why because its really no point; when it appears he never wanted a relationship in the first place. So to avoid that downward spiral fueled by anger and resentment, I will simply state he is dead to me and leave it at that.

Any way after hours of binge eating and unfulfilling masturbation (lol I'm kidding.....or am I?), I begin to wonder why Valentines Day is so important to me and everybody else.

A little history

St. Valentines legend: During the Roman Empire, Emperor Claudius II decided that young men should be soldiers instead of husbands and fathers (Bush?). So he banned young men from getting married. Priest St. Valentine, realizing how fucking ridiculous that is, secretly married young men and women. February 14th is, allegedly, the day he was put to death for defying the Emperor. http://www.history.com/content/valentine/history-of-valentine-s-day

So I ask, why is this day so important to me? Its certainly not because of the gifts (I usually never get those anyway). The thought of dedicating yourself to your lover for one whole day is very romantic. I, being the Hopeless Romantic that I am, am in love with that thought. But if that's the case, why can I do that any other day? That, I cant figure out.

I cant figure out why I'm insanely jealous when I see "my baby did this for Valentines day" statuses on Facebook. Seriously, I went a whole day without logging on to Facebook because of that. I cant figure out why I despise couples who walk down the street with little balloons and candies, holding hands.

So my question is, does Valentines Day mean anything to you? Why or Why not?

B.F.Part 2: The End, then the Beginning

(Insert Flavor Flav woooooooooooooow here) So much has happened since I last blogged about B.F. and I. I'm gonna try to sum this in a timeline form

Dec 25, 2009 (a.m.) - B.F. and I have been hanging out and talking on the phone constantly. We inseparable. And today, I'm going over his for Christmas. I can't wait. Cant even make it through the day, I'm so excited. Put on the sexiest winter outfit I've got. Make-up. Hair. This is going to be great!

Dec 25, 2009 (pm.)- I arrive at his house. Is he slightly drooling? I look good. I meet his maternal grandmother (she's a sweety pie) and his Mexican little big brother (his younger brother is taller and bigger than him and is half white and black). I go with him to meet his dad's family. Damn, does he have to make it a point to tell everybody I'm not his girlfriend? Everybody is leaving. We are alone in his paternal grandmother's basement. The only person up stairs is his sleeping dad. Am I really gonna have sex with him in his grandmother's basement? Omg this is hot!!!!! Feels great. This is wrong but it feels great.

Dec 26, 2009 (early a.m.)- Its like two in the morning. We finally make it back to his house. His grandmother and brother are sleep. We go at on the couch (where he sleeps). Omg this is amazing! Most emotional sex I have had to date. I begin to spew my real feelings for him. I cant help it. Word Vomit! I'm crying. I have never cried during sex. "Oh (blank) I love you so much. Please be with me. Please". Ugh lets not talk about this in the morning....... (S.N. "Hope Roman" for President. Defiling grandmother's house since '09)

December 31, 2009 (a.m.)- B.F. has been fighting with me about us being in a relationship. How could I let my feelings get so deep, so fast? You know what? I'm spending New Years with Forbidden Love. Fuck B.F. "What do you mean you re canceling on me?" Guess I'm with B.F. Fuck! Let me pretend to be happy about this.

December 31, 2009 (p.m.)- I get to B.F.'s house. I'm beginning to feel a little better about this. I love B.F. You know what they say; the man you spend New Years with, will stay in your life for the rest of the year. "Why are your friends coming over? How are we gonna have a repeat of Christmas if they are here?" This sucks!
(Later that night) "Yes, "Hope" we can be together? I love you baby. Oh btw can I still sleep with other women?" What! Can I kill them bitches after ya'll are done???? Fuck no. You can sleep with other women. "Well, "Hope" it's my way or no way" No way! Fuck off! Bitch nigga, I'm out! In the morning, of course. I should kick you in your sleep.

January 4, 2010- I haven't spoken to him in only a couple days but I feel like it's been weeks. I should text him. No, I shouldn't. He's the one acting like an ass. Fuck him. Damn, did I already press the send button. "Just leave me alone "Hope". I love you but I don't want to talk to you". WTF does that mean? You know what? You ain't gotta tell me twice. I'm gone.

January 29, 2010 - RING......RING.....RING "Hello? Hey "Tiki Tiki" (my female best friend). You did WHAT?! You told B.F. to call me. Ima kill you. You meddling little cunt!" Oh god he's texting me right now! "I still love you "Hope". I'm just not ready to be in a relationship but I can be just friends, either" I guess we're nothing then.......again.

January 30, 2010- " I love you, "Hope". I'm sorry and I want you in my life". That's great. Even if we aren't in a relationship, I still want you in my life. "No, I want you to be my lady. Will you?" Am I being punked? Is he serious? You bet your sweet ass I do.

"Febuary 2, 2010- Everything is great, I think. I'm beginning to wonder what brought on this change of heart. I must admit I've lost some feelings for B.F. during his little "hiatus". I've been putting my head on Forbidden Love's shoulders all month (and in his lap). I guess I have to tell Forbidden Love. Please don't hate me too much. "What? "Hope", how you just gonna up and stop fuckin with me? I love you" YOU"RE TELLING ME THIS NOW!!!! Why didn't you tell me this a week ago? We've been messing around for over 6 months and you choose to tell me this NOW?! I think I love you, too but I cant hurt B.F. like that. I have to rock with B.f. for now. I love BF more than you so..... Damn it, just when I thought I was going to be happy........